[identity profile] rattrapped.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] bait_backup
*The cycle is always the same. He leaves the Estate exhilarated--physically, sure, but there’s also the illicit thrill of sneaking around, and a bit of arrogance that she, beautiful and rich and intimidating as she is, chose him, and of course a simple twenty-one-year-old’s pride at landing such an impressive woman in the first place. He’s almost high with it, as he accepts her good-bye kiss and leaves the way he came. But after he gets back to his flat and puts down his keys, as he fixes a meal, reads a book, maybe, tries to get some work done--it steals back into his consciousness. Only bit by bit, at first, but then he’s in bed trying to sleep and still smelling her perfume and he’s gripped by it: how stupid he is, how wrong, how utterly pathetic. James has Lily--she’s real. Sirius and Remus have--well, whatever they have, and who knows how long that’s been going on. But they have each other and that’s real enough. And Peter has--what? An occasional twisted fuck-and-fun with a married socialite old enough to be his mother--and then he remembers whose mother she is, and who she’s married to, and he eats himself up inside over and over with the bitter certainty that he’s being played for several different kinds of fool and that he deserves it, utterly.

And then, of course, the rest: she can’t help who she’s married to, she’s bored and lonely and trapped in that fancy house with that awful family, and she needs him. And then, of course, how could she, how could she possibly, he’ll never get a real girl or a real anything working out some sick Oedipal whatever-it-is with a woman who, he is becoming more and more certain, could crush him like a bug. And of course this is happening to him, because James can marry his Hogwarts sweetheart and Remus and Sirius can fall in love under everybody’s noses, but not Peter. This is all he’s good for.  And he vows, bitterly and melodramatically into his pillow, that it’s over, it’s done, he’s stopping it now before something bad happens.

And then in the morning his despair is forgotten and it all seems silly, and by dinnertime he’s thinking of her again, and a week will go by and he’s convinced she’s lost interest and is done with him--because he’s only Peter, and she’s, well, that. And then her owl will come and his heart will leap and so will other parts of him and before he knows what’s happening he’s in her bed, his hands in her hair and on her body, and afterwards he’s exhilarated and exhausted and he lies in her bed and just talks, the words pour from him as if he’s too pliant and spent to stop any of them, and she listens marvelously.*

--and that was how I ended up at the firm, which is pretty funny when you think about it, I suppose.

Date: 2011-08-23 04:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
*His habit of babbling was almost endearing, in its own insipid way, for a while, but it has begun to grate on Esmerelda's nerves. Still, she has not managed the entire Rosier fortune for the past twenty-odd years without learning how to give the appearance of attentiveness while silently practicing Gobbledegook verbs. She hasn't gotten a damn thing out of the boy, and her patience is growing thin. If he's determined to be useless, perhaps he will be useless, but she'll be damned if she isn't sure before she sends him packing.*

Well, I'm sure it wasn't just those little coincidences.

Date: 2011-08-23 03:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
*She pulls her hair back from around his finger.*

Come now. It's not as if that other fellow was some great shakes--what was his name again?

Date: 2011-08-23 05:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
I've told you a hundred times if I've told you once. You're perfectly talented.

*If the flattery is growing a bit acid, it's only because her desire to lie here and stoke the boy's ego is waning as well.*

Date: 2011-08-23 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
*Finally. Something. If anyone's in the Order, that bratty little Black boy is.*

And how are they getting along, if they're so infallible? I've heard things that make me think your friend Sirius isn't quite the golden boy you seem to think.

Date: 2011-08-23 05:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
As if getting married and having children is all there is to be happy about.

*And Sirius was always a belligerent and irritating child to deal with, but saying so does nothing to press him further.*

I hear it's more than just Sirius, though. Have any of your other friends refused to register?

Date: 2011-08-23 06:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
Hm? What about the Prewetts?

Date: 2011-08-23 06:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
You mentioned.

*She inspects him, narrowing her eyes and putting a finger under his chin to tilt his face up toward hers.*

. . . . There's something else, isn't there?

Date: 2011-08-23 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
*She makes a mental note to push her ministry contact for a full list of those who have refused to register--it may be a bit off, but Esmerelda is willing to bet it is practically a registry of Order members.*

That they're fools, every one.

Date: 2011-08-23 07:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
Are your friends asking you to take that kind of foolish risk?

Date: 2011-08-23 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
It's quite foolhardy to resist the Ministry for no reason, isn't it? I mean, why would the Prewetts risk their jobs just to make some kind of statement?

*She says it offhandedly enough, but if the Prewetts are refusing, that could hint at their Order membership, and if Peter gets shifty, it'll all but confirm it. Her eyes on him are sharp and predatory.*

Date: 2011-08-23 08:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
Of course I am. It's silly not to.

What's that about the McKinnons?

Date: 2011-08-23 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
Have they said why they're not registering? Surely you must be concerned if they are your friends.

Date: 2011-08-23 08:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
*And if that isn't confirmation, nothing is. But he's spooked, now.*

I suppose it might not. It could be an awfully personal decision, if you've got something that's hard to explain to the Ministry going on. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

*She sits up with him, holding the sheet to her chest in some kind of strange modesty.*

Going so soon?

Date: 2011-08-23 08:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
I'm not going to stop you. But you seem so nervous all the sudden. Have you forgotten an appointment? Perhaps you'd like a drink to relax you before you go on your way?

Date: 2011-08-23 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motherspider.livejournal.com
If you insist.

*She stands and moves to him, wrapping the sheet around herself and letting it trail her on the floor behind her like the train to a magnificent ballgown more than bedding.*

Until next time?


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