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DEMENTORS DECIMATE BIRMINGHAM
Untold death toll shakes England

25/07/1981 - Early this morning a horde of Dementors descended on Birmingham, causing as of yet untold destruction. According to eye-witness testimony, wards surrounding the city were broken, allowing at least two-hundred wraiths into the area. The swarm of creatures targeted homes indiscriminately, squeezing through chimneys and open windows and catching their sleeping victims unprepared. A complete estimate of deaths will only be available as clean-up continues, however unverified reports have stated numbers well into the thousands.

This attack marks a long string of similar breaches in our nation’s security, which the RCMC has linked to educated lycanthropes. However, strong evidence has emerged that the violence of these beasts is being abetted by dark wizards. Authorities maintain that the scope of this incident is far beyond the capability of wand-carrying werewolves alone and caution that any dark creature, rogue or documented, is a potential threat and could harbour a direct link to Death Eater activities.

An initial investigation has certified that the wards were within government standards. "They passed their annual check in June, and it was all in working order," stated Terrance Peasegood (56), one of Birmingham's senior charm-specialists. The ward – an ordinance set up by Merton Wildsmith in 1337 - was a certified historic site and had been under the protection of both Ministry safeguards and international foundations for wizarding heritage. Mr. Peasegood went on to say "It'd be no mean feat to break through, that's for sure. Those spells have survived everything from dragons to the Goblin rebellions. It's surreal, it is."

In the wake of this grim event, many have grown concerned for the security and continued concealment of the wizarding world. In response, Ministry spokesmen are already working in close tangent with the muggle Prime Minister and there have been no known breaches within the International Statute of Secrecy at this time. In addition all major municipalities have been encouraged to engage in protective measures and introduce enhanced spell work to prevent an attack of this magnitude in the future.

Meanwhile, citizens across Britain are urged to revaluate their family emergency plans and to stay out of the Birmingham city limits, allowing for medical and investigative personnel to sweep the area and dispose of those rendered irrecoverable. It is the hope of everyone affected by this disaster that swift justice will provide closure to the city and its residents.


LUDO BAGMAN JINXED IN NIGHT CLUB
LONDON - Ludo Bagman, popular Beater for the Wimbourne Wasps, is recovering in St. Mungo's today after his nose was transfigured into a large fruit. The incident, which occurred at infamous celebrity establishment The Silver Lime, started around one am after witnesses say he made a series of persistent, failed passes at Ferris Boardman. Miss. Boardman, sister of subversive musician Stubby Boardman, has a record of questionable behaviour and bar-side duels. "No one was really surprised when half his face erupted into an apricot," stated fellow patron Saul Burgess, "bloke probably deserved it, if you ask me."

Miss. Boardman was taken in for questioning by several Watchwizards but was released shortly after with no charges. Despite this, Bagman remains in good spirits and Healers have confirmed the incident will have no detrimental affect on his promising career.
Celestina Warbeck announces divorce
LONDON - After fifteen years of marriage, Madam Warbeck's cauldron of love has finally fizzed over. Warbeck cited “irresolvable differences” when filing for divorce this week at the Ministry and declined to make further comment. Now ex-husband, Varian Turner (35), whose chiselled chin and modest work as a gardener first attracted Celestina in her forties, would only say that, “We've always liked to keep our private life private, that tune won't change anytime soon.” The couple are famous for ignoring the warnings of noted Seer Dodona Fremont, who was obstinately opposed to their affair. Though neither looked happy coming out of the Marriage Registry office, it does appear that Fremont's 1966 predictions of a violent death have yet to ring true.

Madam Warbeck's now booming career is thought to have earned the couple a net worth of over 800,000 galleons, which is to be divided between husband and wife during proceedings in December. Fans hope that this personal crisis will inspire many more albums to come.
BELLATRIX LESTRANGE SPEAKS OUT ABOUT ARREST
LONDON - Prominent socialite Bellatrix Lestrange (29) has recuperated following her wrongful arrest on the 24th. The very public incident occurred in Diagon Alley when Auror Sirius Black (21) – a cousin of Mrs. Lestrange – brutishly hauled her away on trumped-up claims. Speculation continues as to what Auror Black’s motives were, with many convinced that it was a bout of alcoholic irrationality brought on by family strife.

In a statement to the press Mrs. Lestrange noted that, “Sirius Black is a troubled young man who’s been estranged from the family for many years, so I am disheartened and humiliated by this ordeal but, sadly, not particularly surprised at his wild and baseless accusations. My husband and I are cooperating completely with the Department for Magical Law Enforcement, of course, and we expect a swift resolution and a full apology. This is a private family matter and it is my hope that it will remain so, and that Sirius Black will get the help he needs.”

The DMLE was quick to right Auror Black’s egregious mistake, and released Mrs. Lestrange from custody in under an hour’s time. Since the incident, many have noted the willowy aristocrat’s kind and gentle nature as well as her unwavering commitment to her fellow man. If it were not for her generous contributions toward St. Mungo's, England might still be without working healthcare following the violent attacks in May.

Mrs. Lestrange went so far as to describe her treatment by the law enforcement officers as efficient and apologetic, and states that she sees this incident to be solely the mistake of the arresting Auror, and not a reflection of the squad itself. Auror Black's actions were not authorized by his department and it has been noted that he was not on-duty at the time of the arrest nor was he acting under any order to be in the location of Diagon Alley.


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