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--- Note from the Editor: Well here we are, in our very first issue of the Quibbler! I'm so grateful for all the hard work of my contributors and so thankful for the support of my sponsors. I'm proud and excited to bring the Quibbler to you, and if you enjoy it and laugh a little and ask yourself some questions—even if it's only just you--I'll consider it a great success. The world around us is getting darker; I've learned that well enough. I've been thinking a lot about the dangerous times we live in, and it seems like the world is becoming increasingly populated by ideologies: light, Dark, anti-this, pro-that. It's understandable. Ideology is to some degree protective. You can take refuge in it with like-minded people and feel a little safer, a little more sure of everything. However, ideology isn't free: you have to purchase it. And the cost of ideology is all the complex experiences and truths, all the many many parts of the world that don't fit into that new ideological framework you've adopted. You're sheltered by it but you have to leave some things behind. I wonder sometimes if it's worth it. Sometimes I think the world might be a better place if it didn't have any ideologies in it at all. Do you? Is that even possible? Cheers, Xenophilius Lovegood Editor-in-Chief ---

PEOPLE IN BOXES FOR MUGGLE ENTERTAINMENT: COULD YOUR HOME BE NEXT? Is Television the Next Big Thing or a Dangerous Fad? Contributor: Xenophilius Lovegood The entertainment options for witches and wizards are endless. Talk radio and serials, books and comic books, plays and musicals, toys and games--they are more than sufficient to keep generations of us pleasantly entertained. OR ARE THEY? “With Muggle television, they've really brought entertainment to the next level.” says Granville Fletcher-Cooke as he shows me his television repair shop in Swindon. Televisions are Muggle devices that show pre-recorded moving images on a glass screen—television plays, or 'programs', can show you comedies, dramas, educational material, even news. “Like any play or musical, you have an exciting visual narrative and loads of interesting characters—with all the convenience of a wireless. It's only a matter of time before the wizarding world catches on. It's fun, exciting, and totally safe.” OR IS IT? “Well, it runs off electricity,” Fletcher-Cooke admits. “which can be dangerous if it isn't handled right, like anything else. I'm trying to fix it so it runs off magic instead of electricity so any witch or wizard can install one in their home and be totally confident in its use and operation.” But not all witches and wizards are excited about this potential development. “It just seems off to me.” says one Iolanthe Gump of Monkston. “Little people inside a box, to watch? What if they don't want to be watched? What if they get cross with me? It's just too strange. It'll never catch on.” “Well, they're really not people.” Fletcher-Cooke explains. “They're just moving pictures, like any wizarding portrait or photograph. It's just programming. You can do news, as well, so it's dead useful.” Which begs the question: who would regulate this “programming”? Who would control the news? Who would decide what is shown and when? Would we be shown the truth, or fed lies to keep us complacent? Truly, would we be watching the television..... OR WOULD THE TELEVISION BE WATCHING US? “Well, I haven't got that far yet.” Fletcher-Cooke admits. “I'm still trying to get the damn things to work.” This reporter hopes it takes Granville Fletcher-Cooke a long time—enough time for him to take a good long look at his work and, perhaps, reconsider.

POINT/COUNTERPOINT HOUSE-ELF LIBERATION: UNNATURAL NONSENSE, OR LONG OVERDUE? “House-elves are magically bound to serve one house and one family.” opines an anonymous source. “They're born that way: it's in their very nature to obey. Why force them to do otherwise and impose our own notions on them?” “That's nonsense.” counters a second. “For centuries, we've let shocking abuses go on under our very noses with justifications as flimsy as that one. House-elves are intelligent beings and that wizards can confine, injure, and deprive them with legal impunity is an embarrassment to us all.” “For house-elves, freedom is an artificial and foreign construct. They look on it as a disgrace and truly can't make their way in the world alone. It's the responsibility of every wizard with a house-elf to see to their care and upkeep.” “That's a convenient point of view for wizards to take, seeking as it guarantees us a steady population of slave labor. Can we as a society look ourselves in the face as a society that supports slavery?” What do you think? House-elves: slaves or familiars? Send letters to: Xenophilius Lovegood Editor-in-Chief, The Quibbler Rook House, Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon

Color Me Lovely: Are You Wearing The Right Robes For Your Complexion? Madam Primpernelle's Expert Seasonal Analysis Nothing is worse than a comely girl in an unflattering colour. The wrong colour can make you look pale, sallow, orange, or just plain ugly! But how do you determine which colours are your colours, that will show you in the best light, and which will make you ugly, and should be avoided? Using seasonal colour analysis, you can discover whether you are a Winter, Spring, Summer, or Autumn, and find a host of colours that will bring out the most lovely you. Winter: Cool undertones, subdued (ashy brown, black, or pale blonde hair) Spring: Warm undertones, subdued (golden blonde, warm brown, or strawberry blonde hair), Summer: Cool undertones, vivid (medium ashy brown, or vivid muddy brown hair) Autumn: Warm undertones, vivid ( auburn, vivid red, or chestnut hair) Once you've figured out what Season you are, turn the page to discover your most flattering shades for clothes and cosmetics—or, if you're unsure, come into Madam Primpernelle's Beautifying Potions for a full colour analysis!

ASK FIONA: ONE WISE WITCH'S GUIDE TO YOUR DATING DISASTERS Contributor: Fiona Warbeck Dear Fiona, My boyfriend of 5 years and I split last spring. He had been unfaithful to me and lied about it. For a whole year we've had no contact or owls. Recently though he has been stopping in to visit to “see how I am doing”. He's still with “the other woman” but he always complains about her and says I'm the only one who understands. He always kisses me when he leaves but nothing else other than that. I am still not over him and very confused. Why is he visiting? Sincerely, Hurting in Haverhill Hurting, darling, he is sniffing around because you're leaving the door open. He's just trying to get you back in bed and you'll let him because you're not over him. Think of what you've taught him so far: he can cheat and lie and you'll still be all smiles for him! He's about to cheat on his current partner. Sounds like the same wizard to me. He can sense your vulnerability and sure as Sickles he'll hurt you again. Cut him loose and get a new man!! --- The Quibbler welcomes the opportunity to publish your submissions! Articles, recipes, new spells, cartoons, poems, short stories, art, opinion pieces, puzzles, origami, laundry lists: we would love to hear from you. Send submissions to: Xenophilius Lovegood Editor-in-Chief, The Quibbler Rook House, Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon